HELLO FROM KENYA!!!!

Wow, I am so amazed and blessed to be able to say that! Before I get into the here and now, I have to backtrack a little. The whole squad spent two days in Nairobi, the capital of Kenya, and somehow I managed to see almost none of it. I was sick and stayed in the apartment for most of our time there, with one brave expedition to the bank. And that, essentially, was my Nairobi adventure.

The Lord graciously healed me just in time for my team’s travel day to Isiolo, Kenya! I am on an all-girls team with Alicia, Mo, Megan, Kaelin, and Mikayla. Six girls living, traveling, and doing ministry together! Isiolo is about 5 hours north of Nairobi and has a population of around 80,000 people. We are also SUPER close to Mount Kenya, which is the second-highest mountain in all of Africa at 17,057 feet. No big deal… Coming from Wisconsin, where our “mountains” are basically pimples on the earth, this is pretty freaking cool!!! We are staying at New Dawn African Girl, an orphanage currently home to 25 girls and run by Mama Nancy. So between my all-girls team and an entire orphanage full of girls, testosterone has officially left the chat. 😂 This little compound has been home for the last 11 days, and I have A LOT to catch you guys up on!

Full transparency, I was NOT thrilled when I first got here. I looked around and saw a cushy apartment, an amazing staff already taking care of the girls and their physical needs, and basically no set ministry schedule and immediately thought… so what exactly are we needed for? What am I needed for? I got especially salty when I started hearing about other teams living out in the bush, staying at an orphanage with 500+ kids, or being given clear parameters for what their ministry was supposed to look like. Meanwhile, I had just come from working around 80-hour weeks back home on top of all the other challenges life had thrown at me, and if I’m being completely transparent, I was almost offended. Like, God… you don’t think I can handle more than this? What was all of that preparation for then? I came to Africa ready to WORK, ready to serve, ready to be needed—and instead, God put me somewhere that didn’t seem to need me at all.

It took me a little while to realize that maybe the Lord didn’t put me in the bush because He knows I already know how to have a fire under my butt. I know how to work. I know how to be busy. I know how to fill every second of my day until I am running on fumes. What I apparently did NOT know how to do was sit still. The quiet here was honestly really hard for me at first. I felt silly that I was struggling so much when, from the outside, I had basically been handed a blessing. But God has really put it on my heart that this season isn’t about how much I can accomplish for Him. He is teaching me how to draw closer to Him when there isn’t constant noise, work, or another task demanding my attention. I am learning how to A. relax, B. be grateful and actually RECEIVE a blessing instead of wondering what I should be doing to earn it, and C. let God completely rewire my brain.

And let me tell you, the “rest” has been EXHAUSTING. I am in a constant mental battle right now to be intentional with my thoughts. When I’m bored, my brain immediately wants to wander off into daydreams, distractions, or literally anywhere other than the present moment. Learning to catch those thoughts and redirect my attention back to the Lord has taken more energy than I ever expected.

There has also been a spiritual side to this that I’m still learning how to navigate. I have always been extremely sensitive to what is happening around me, and being here has made me realize how much discernment I still need in that area. When I feel something heavy, I’m learning not to immediately decide where it came from. Is this something in me that the Lord is bringing to the surface? Is an old wound being triggered? Am I simply picking up on the emotions of the people around me? Is there something spiritual happening that I need to pray about? Or am I just tired and overwhelmed? Learning to bring those feelings to God instead of immediately trusting my own interpretation of them has been hard, draining, and honestly sometimes scary—but I think He is teaching me discernment in the middle of it. I may not be physically exhausted from working 80-hour weeks anymore, but God has certainly found another way to wear me out.

Somewhere in the middle of all of this, though, my attitude did a complete 180. I spend probably 50% of my day in the kitchen cooking for my team, which, if you know me, you know I absolutely LOVE. Because of that, my ministry here has looked a little different than some of my teammates’. While they are spending more time playing and hanging out with the girls, you can usually find me in the kitchen figuring out how to feed six people with two burners, no measuring cups, and whatever ingredients I can get my hands on. I still get about an hour with the girls most days, and I absolutely treasure that time, but I’m learning that serving doesn’t always look the way I pictured it would.

Cooking has genuinely become a form of worship for me here. I put on worship music, make food for my team, and get to serve them in one of the ways God has gifted me. I have also learned what it actually means to take a Sabbath—not a “day off” where I catch up on chores and everything else I didn’t get done during the week, but actual intentional rest with the Lord.

I came here thinking I needed to DO something big for God, and instead He has been teaching me how to simply be with Him. I can genuinely say I am closer to the Lord right now than I have ever been. Eleven days ago, I couldn’t understand why He would bring me all the way to Kenya just to slow me down. Now I think the quiet might have been exactly why He brought me here.

Anyway, I’ve got six girls to feed and tacos to make entirely from scratch using a mug as my only unit of measurement, so I should probably get back to that. Wish me luck!

~Your friendly neighborhood pastor’s kid